she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
