you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
nutella sex= disaster
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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