I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
