apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
