Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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