She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
