We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
