This dress was meant to end up on your floor
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
