woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
