i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
