my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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