i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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