I think my vagina is haunted
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
