LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
