No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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