Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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