well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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