I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
