dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
