Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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