where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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