Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
