I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
