My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
