My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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