I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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