i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
