Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
