It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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