there's paper in my vomit.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
