sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Church boner. Awkwardddd
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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