Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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