I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
