True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
