Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
