Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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