I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
