You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
