Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
