proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
