Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
