On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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