I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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