I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
