The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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