it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
