I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
