She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
