so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
