he looks like a really good dad on facebook
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
