jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
