i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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