Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
