At least make sure they are 18
Why
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
