You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
