he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
