Pappa wants mamma naked
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
