Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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