What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
