You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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