sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
