WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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