there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
