I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
