sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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