my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
